So, the first date is over and it didn’t go well. It wasn’t a nightmare that you’ll be telling your friends about later, it was just the same as most other first dates you’ve been on. You didn’t connect for whatever reason. Maybe you don’t have enough in common. Maybe she has an annoying laugh. Maybe you’re just not that attracted to her. Whatever the reason is, saying goodnight to a girl you don’t want to kiss can be just as anxiety-inducing as saying goodnight to one you do. You want to be a nice guy and you don’t want to hurt her feelings, so you walk her to her car or her apartment door, say goodnight, and then hear yourself telling her you’ll call her.

God damn it.

You’re not gonna call her. You know you’re not gonna call her. Why did you say that? Now you’re a cliché. Congratulations, asshole.

Girls bitch about guys not calling when they say they will all the freaking time. You would think that they’d have caught on by now that “I’ll call you,” is coward-speak for “I never want to see you again,” but apparently not. And yes, it is cowardly, I’m not gonna sugar-coat it. If you’ve done that, you’re a pussy.

That being said, I’ve done it. We all have. I’ve even gone the extra mile and kissed the girl. I have no idea why I did it, other than that I could tell she wanted me to. I leaned in and performed the most emotionless kiss of my life and the whole time, I was thinking to myself, “Why are you kissing this girl? Don’t you know that kissing indicates that you like her and want to see her again, which you don’t? What the fuck is wrong with you, idiot?”

Another thing I’ve done is called the girl just because I said I would. I guess my thinking was that I didn’t want to be a liar, but the truth is, this only makes things worse. You’re just wasting your time, and worse, leading her on.

So what do you do? How do you deal with that awkward situation?

Like a man, jackass.

Don’t lie to her. A real man doesn’t lie to a woman. At least not until she’s your girlfriend. What I do is tell her it was nice meeting her and give her a hug. I’ve found it’s the best thing to do. “It was nice meeting you,” makes things very clear. It says, “Hey, I think you’re a decent person and all that, but I really don’t give a shit if I ever see you again for the rest of my life.” And then the hug softens the blow.

Now, odds are that if you didn’t feel a love connection, she didn’t either. But every once in a while, girls don’t take it that well. “Nice to meet me? What’s that supposed to mean?” is something I’ve heard before. If something like that happens, you’re dealing with a crazy chick, which means it’s okay to tell her you’ll call her. No one can blame you for being scared of crazy chicks.