Netflix/House Of Cards

Thinking of moving to D.C., you young, ambitious political science major?

Be prepared for a dating world unique to the dating world. D.C. has been called Hollywood for Ugly People, and this nickname captures the essence of our nation’s capital. The District is dominated by politics; it’s a one-industry town, like Hollywood. And the people in it are wholly consumed by it. So consumed by it, in fact, that they seem to have no time to develop a sense of personal style, style their hair a little bit (except for the men, who over style it), or foster a lot of interests outside of their office softball/baseball/kickball team that plays on The National Mall once a week.

Guys and girls, unless you love Longchamp bags, boat shoes, Jack Rogers sandals, and men with fluffy hair delicately combed over and hair-sprayed until it doesn’t move in the wind, you may not love dating in D.C.. Good and bad alike, here’s what you can expect from your date:

1. Over-educated egos.

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This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially if you, too, went to Princeton. But here in D.C., you’ll find that most of the people you go on dates with have a master’s degree from Georgetown or one of the very preppy southern Virginia schools (George Mason, Virginia Tech, University of Virginia). They were probably in a sorority or fraternity, and they probably don’t have too many friends who decided not to go to college so they could pursue their dreams of being an actor/actress/singer. Get ready for men and women alike to ask what college(s) you went to, what you studied, and how you plan to apply your degree to your career. Education and career are inevitable topics on pretty much any D.C. date, so if you don’t like these topics or are embarrassed of the school you went to, well … try dating in nearby Baltimore?

On a side note, a lot of the men in D.C. are more inclined to flaunt their careers and education than the ladies. So women, whip out your diploma and get ready to talk about the Ivies you got into. It’ll keep the conversation going.

2. Everyday uniforms.

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D.C. is not a fashion capital, and as such, men and women tend to put clothing on the back burner. If you aren’t into personal style/fashion, this may be great for you. You’ll be around someone who also just … doesn’t … care. You won’t feel like you have to compete to be the better dresser, and worrying about your clothing on your date definitely won’t be an issue.

Young women here tend to dress the same, in clothing from Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor Loft, J.Crew, and Banana Republic. They pair their clothes with Kate Spade purses and Tory Burch flats in the quintessential preppy uniform. This clothing goes from work to date night, so no need to worry about what to wear. Women, you can also rest assured that your date will probably match. He’ll likely wear his suit from work, a polo/khakis combo, or a nice button-down. No jeans, no t-shirts, no baseball caps here.

3. Fitness prioritized.

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D.C., for all of its career-focus, is still a fit city. You have to walk a decent amount to get to and from work/the Metro station. On weekends, people usually want to get out of the somewhat claustrophobic city that they spend all week in. There’s usually an exodus to Maryland/Virginia, where there are forests, mountains and all of that other lovely greenery that city folk miss out on. Your date will usually include some kind of outdoor activity in his/her list of hobbies, since they spend their weekend going on casual hikes, walks, runs, or more adventuresome activities. This can be a great thing, of course. It’ll give you something fun to do as your relationship develops … assuming, of course, that you don’t mind the rampant mosquitos, the humidity, and the random torrential downpours characteristic of the region.

Also worth noting, that girl you go out with will probably regularly attend a yoga/SoulCycle class, and that guy will most likely love going for runs in Rock Creek Park. So don’t be surprised when they can’t go out one night because they have a yoga class at that time. Hey, you gotta de-stress somehow!

4. Drink up!

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Speaking of de-stressing … people in D.C. are usually pretty on edge. That means Happy Hours are definitely popular, meeting for “work drinks” is a common and essential trend, and your date will most likely be at an elegantly casual bar or a restaurant with a killer drink menu. If you don’t like people who drink, this isn’t your city. Ever notice how Frank Underwood in “House of Cards” always seems to be pouring a glass of bourbon in the evening, and Claire loves her wine? That’s because they live and work in D.C., where your job’s more bearable when you’ve got a drink in your hand.

5. “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you” conversations.

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The CIA, NSA, and FBI are all conveniently located in and around Maryland, D.C., and Virginia, meaning a lot of the lovely folks you meet for dates will work there or have worked there. They’ll casually tell you, when asked, that they work for “the government,” the Department of Defense, or “in linguistics,” and love that they are able to then leave you wanting more. Sometimes, they’ll laugh and say, “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you,” which is sort of funny, and kind of scary.

Dating someone in this career field is actually pretty great, though. You don’t have to get upset when they don’t text you back during the work day. Usually, they can’t bring their phone into the office. This also means they won’t be harassing you via text with filtered photos of their sushi lunch or afternoon smoothie. It’s a win for all!

6. Strong political opinions.

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You can’t live in D.C. and not have an opinion. If you don’t work in politics, you still know a lot about it. It’s the world you live in. People here still read newspapers, talk about the Iowa caucus, and work on political campaigns (or know someone who does). There’s a reason the floor of the D.C. Metro is littered with copies of The Washington Post.
If you don’t know that much about the political world, do some online research before your date. And worse comes to worst, say you love Hillary for her awesome pantsuits.

7. A Commitment to commitment.

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D.C.-ites take everything seriously, from their cars (usually black, foreign-made sedans or station wagons) to their coffee (also usually black and foreign. It’s a no-nonsense city, which means that people usually have lofty goals. Focused on the big picture, D.C. daters are all about settling down and checking off that next accomplishment: a wedding. Then it’s on to bigger and better things, like running for office!

P.S.: A spouse is essential if you do want to run for office, so if you’ve got political ambitions, better have some dating goals as well!

8. Disdain for the West Coast.

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L.A. is pretty much the opposite of D.C. People in D.C. won’t always admit to liking, being from, or visiting California. After all, in L.A., they only care about how they look, the film industry, and diets. And in D.C., people care about much more important things … like number 9: brunching.

9. Brunching.

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Brunching is serious business in most big cities; D.C. is no different. So if you spend the night, be ready for her to ask you to brunch tomorrow, where you’ll most likely go to Open City, Ted’s Bulletin, Founding Farmers, or one of those other massively popular spots with long lines and slow service. It’s about seeing and being seen, showing off your conquest from the night before, and maybe saying “hi” to some work colleagues at the table next to you (then gossiping about them when they turn away). Most D.C. brunches have bottomless mimosas, a gluten-free menu, and cheekily named entrees that play on the names of past presidents, so get ready for a little bit of sass with your Sunday morning meal.

10. Serious conversations.

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A lot of D.C. residents are well traveled, went to great schools, and come from fairly privileged upbringings. They are more inclined to talk about where they studied abroad their junior year of college than the latest movie they saw. So better hope you studied someplace chic like London, Paris, or Prague, because if you spent your year backpacking across Europe with dreads in your hair and five Euros in your pocket, your date probably won’t relate.

11. Clean cuts.

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Still along the lines of being chic, classy, and consummately preppy, your date probably won’t be tatted up, with lots of piercings all over. That usually doesn’t fly well when you work for a congressman or senator. You’ll find that many of your dates grew up in Virginia, a fairly classy southern state where some people talk like Frank Underwood in those honeyed, sweet southern drawls, and everyone loves pink, green, lacrosse, and rugby. Men and women usually don’t have mohawks, brightly colored hair, or any of those “looks” you see at Coachella. D.C.-ites just don’t do Coachella.

12. Fancy feasts.

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Going to a bar for your date? Even dive bars are trendy with craft beers and a fairly clean environment. Washington, D.C., has beautiful architecture, fairly clean streets, and pretty great restaurants (especially in Northwest), meaning you and your date will be hard-pressed to find a grungy meet up spot (if that’s your scene).

Yes, there are those rare non-drinkers in D.C. There are people there who don’t work out, have incredible personal style, don multiple tattoos, and never went to college … but they’re like unicorns. In other words, when you find them, treasure them (if you like them of course) because they are rare creatures who you may not meet again. For the most part, D.C. is filled with fairly serious, studious people who will remind you of that kid in class who always had his/her hand raised and graduated with honors. This is the city they come to, so if you can’t take the D.C. heat (which is very real, by the way), get out of the capital.

The post Politics And Preps: 12 Things That Define The D.C. Dating Scene appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

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Deciding to move in with your significant other is kind of a huge deal. It means giving up your independence, potentially moving closer to that major commitment (*gasp* marriage?) and having to deal with somebody else’s laundry. Your socks will get mixed up with theirs in the washing machine, you may have to label your food to stop them from eating it, and … oh, yeah, you’ll be living with someone you have very strong feelings for. From deciding to move in together to deciding which battles are worth fighting, here are some tips and tricks for making the big move-in actually work:

1. Don’t do it just because you think you should.

Maybe you’ve been together for a long time, the lease is up on your apartment, and your significant other wants to move. All the stars seem to have aligned in favor of you two living together, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to pull the trigger. It shouldn’t be a decision based on convenience, thinking “it’s about time,” or feeling like all of your friends are doing it. You should move in together because you genuinely want to be with that person more. Maybe you are thinking about marriage, and want to make sure you can live together first. It’s also possible you both think it would be fun and bring you closer. But both parties need to be “into” the idea. It’s not about checking another box on your relationship “list,” or finding a new roommate. It’s about wanting to take the next step, together.

2. Try to find a new space.

Moving in together is less problematic when you find a brand new space to share together. If you move into his place, or he moves into yours, you could wind up feeling like someone’s encroaching on your territory. That bathroom that used to be yours needs to be rearranged to fit two people, and suddenly you have too much of your own stuff in the pantry with no room for someone else’s food. It’s easier to meld when you are both bringing in your things and finding new places for them.

3. Don’t get a roommate.

If you move in together, it should be to experience one another. It’s a great step in your personal relationship. Unless you absolutely have to, moving in with a third person (the “roommate”) alters the dynamic. Then, you’re learning what it’s like to live with two new people, which means even more compromise and sharing of space. It’s easier to experience life with your significant other when it’s literally just life with that one person.

4. Have many conversations.

There’s a lot to work out before taking this step. You’ll need to talk about who pays for what, what rent is affordable, where you can both live that will make you both happy, who buys groceries, etc. If these are intense conversations for you, and you don’t feel ready to have them, you might not be ready to move in together. If you’re happy to sit down and figure it all out together, then great! This won’t be as hard as it is for lots of other people.

5. Create ground rules.

It might seem unromantic, but you’ve never spent this much time together before. You should talk about what you will, and will not need from the other person. If you have to be a little bit brutally honest, go for it, because this is far better than getting mad at her when she tries to have a heart to heart with you right when you get home from work. Explain that when you first come home at night, you will need to be alone for half an hour. Make it clear that you hate when people make bacon for breakfast because of the smell. And say these things before they happen, so your significant other understands what you need from the person you live with. These aren’t trivial matters if they’re going to bother you, so lay the groundwork for getting along in the future.

6. Don’t think of this as a new roommate.

From square one, this is not going to be like living with your best friend from college. You’re not gonna have someone who wants to gossip with you every night, share a beer with you, or go on impromptu shopping trips. This also isn’t someone you can just go into your room and ignore. This is someone you love (presumably), so you should set your expectations accordingly.

7. Have alone time.

At first, living with your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, or maybe even wife/husband is going to seem like a lot. Someone you used to see a lot will become someone you see all of the time, or at least a lot more. Don’t lose yourself in the process. Make sure that you each have a space within your new place to get away, be it the apartment gym, a nearby restaurant, the rooftop pool, or your buddy’s apartment down the hall. You need space too.

8. Get a DVR.

Sounds trivial, right? Well it’s not. A lot of people are very sensitive about their TV shows, which means that they may not want to miss the latest episode because someone else is watching football. You’ll save a lot of conflict by having a DVR, or at least a Netflix, HBOGo, or Hulu Plus subscription, so everyone can watch their shows on their own time.

9. Buy cheap furniture.

If you are buying your furniture together, buy items you aren’t overly invested in. Not to be a pessimist, but if this all doesn’t work out, you may have a hard time deciding who gets the $5,000 couch and who gets the $200 lamp. Sure, you can pay the other person their share of the item, but if you buy something fancy that you both love, you both may want it. In the beginning, get things you aren’t super-attached to, and save yourself the heartache of surrendering your favorite desk. You can just buy yourself another one at IKEA if you really loved it so much.

10. Let them be messy/clean.

It’s hard to surrender yourself to other people’s cleanliness habits, but generally speaking, they don’t change. If she always leaves her shoes in the hall, and you always have to remind her to pick them up, don’t count on that going away. You might have to learn to step over the shoes, or put them away yourself. If it drives you nuts that he needs everything in the dishwasher to be arranged just so, let him just rearrange everything. It’s no skin off of your back. These are the kinds of things that generally speaking, are very engrained in people. The best you can do is offer reminders to clean up, or if you’re the messy one, try to keep your mess confined to your own closet/office/desk drawers.

11. Tell them you need a puppy (or new bed, or new refrigerator, or whatever).

A lot of couples that move in together want to test out their “parenting” techniques with a dog or cat. This is great … if both people want one. But what ends up happening is, one partner wants a pet way more than the other. They will hint at it, stare for long periods of time at dogs in the hallway, and send you pictures of kittens while you’re at work.
The person who wants the pet needs to come out and say it, and there will need to be a very real discussion of whether or not this is a viable choice. Be honest about your concerns/reservations, or why you feel that you really want/need a pet. Just lay it on the line, instead of having endless, cyclical conversations about it. That will only frustrate both people. This really goes for anything you feel you want/need in the apartment or house, from a treadmill to a new couch to a bigger TV.

12. Have guests.

This is a great way to increase your appreciation for each other. When you have other people over, you might realize how relaxing and comforting it is to just be alone (not to diss your guests). You will also entertain your guests together, which is a fun way to bond and share the life you’ve built together. It’ll make you all the more proud of what you’ve created in the home you two share.

The post 12 Tips To Mastering The Fine Art Of Living Together appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

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“It’s just a feeling I have,” some people say. “I just knew he/she was the one.”

“When it’s right, it’s just right.”

“I knew he was The One the moment I met him.”

All of these answers to the epic question, “How did you know you wanted to marry him/her?” are vague and elusive, making it seem like you’ll just have this mind-blowing moment of clarity one day. You’ll step back and say, “It’s right, I should go buy a ring,” or, “If he proposes, I’ll say yes.”

But if you stop and break down that sense of “It’s right,” there’s a little more to it. There are decisive feelings and thoughts you have that inform your decision, but you just may not be conscious of them. For those who do ask you, “How did you know?” the reality is, there were probably lots of ways. And if you haven’t found the person you want to marry just yet, there are certainly qualities to look for in the relationships you have that may help you come to realize you’ve found something truly special. Here are some of them:

When anything goes wrong, you feel better because you have him/her.

Kalen George, 24, has been married to her husband, Jeremy, since 2012. While she admits she really did think she would marry him when she first saw him because he was “six-foot-four and had a great smile,” she confesses that she actually knew because she could turn to him whenever anything went wrong. They moved together from Virginia to New York City to California, all within two years, and through all of the associated challenges and changes, they prevailed, “growing together.” He pushed her to pursue her dreams of becoming an actress, to take the risk of leaving a job that wasn’t making her happy, and to take on the challenge of building a name for herself in a new city. When she didn’t get a part in a play, he was the first person she called. When she walked miles in heels to a job interview after living in NYC for a day, and the interview was a bust, he was the first person she called. He was her undeniable source of comfort.

You would be willing to make major sacrifices.

Jessie Nastasi, 29, has moved with her military spouse husband, Kevin, from New Mexico to Ohio to Los Angeles, and is preparing for another move to Virginia. They’ve only been married five years, but Jessie knew he was the one because she was prepared for these moves. While she admits that there was a “gut feeling” behind all of it, she also adds that she was willing to move because it meant being with him. That’s how she knew it was right. “Through it all,” Jessie explains, “I knew I could move with him and be okay. I think it’s because I knew I could depend on him to do what he said he would do. He always followed through on plans we made and knowing he was reliable made me feel safe about making big changes in my life.” Once Jessie knew she would move, sacrificing jobs, friends, and family to be with Kevin, she knew he was the right person for her. “I wouldn’t do this for anyone else,” she admits. “But yeah, when you love someone, you really would do anything to be with them. It’s a cliché because it’s true.”

You argue sometimes.

Debbie Abramson, 62, has been married to her husband, Art, for over 35 years. There’s been conflict in the marriage, and there was conflict when they were dating. “But that’s ok. I liked that he disagreed with me, and that I could disagree with him. Argument doesn’t have to mean yelling, screaming, and being awful to one another,” she explains. Art agrees that her willingness to argue was one of the things that helped him know she was the person he wanted to marry. He explains, “I liked that she was ready, willing and able to say ‘No, I won’t stand for this.’ That takes guts, and she had it. Sure we argued when we were dating, but that also shows that we cared enough about each other to argue.”
Think about it, would you really take the time to have an argument with someone you had no feelings towards? Perhaps, but more often, arguments arise from a desire to reach a consensus … to help the other person come to an agreement with you and resolve the difference you have. It’s always good to have something you would fight for.

You want, and try to, begin and end your days together.

Jessie explains a situation she recently encountered with a friend who wasn’t sure he should move in with a girlfriend: “He didn’t know if she was the right person, so he didn’t know if he wanted to be with her like that — you know, almost all the time.” She says that she told him he could give it a try, but that when you really are serious about someone, you don’t have to think so hard about it. “You should just want that opportunity,” Jessie adds. “You don’t really get sick of each other, even when you might get tired of everyone else around you.” That’s right, even if beginning your day with them means smelling their morning breath, and ending your day with them means hearing them snore next to you on the pillow, you should want it. If you don’t love that you get to bookend your busy day with time together, that’s a red flag.

You trust that person (this is nothing new, but oh so important).

Jeremy George, 32, considers trust the fundamental element of his relationship with Kalen that led to marriage. “I knew with all my heart I could trust her,” he confesses. His job took him to New York City while she remained in Virginia for months, and through it all, he realized he had no concerns about the distance. He knew she would remain loyal, without any tangible proof except gut instinct. This level of trust certainly helps into their marriage. “Now, I might kiss guys in films I’m in, or on stage, and Jeremy accepts it,” Kalen adds. “He knows he’s literally the only one for me.”

You’re open to their radically different ideas.

Jessie and her husband, Kevin, initially disagreed financially and politically, which can easily be two major points of contention in a marriage. She grew up in a more liberal household, but came to understand his conservative views, and even share them. “Politically, I changed a lot in my time with him, even before we were married,” she says. “As we talked, I realized I just believed what I was raised with in my parents’ household. Then I started to see the other perspective, and it really made a difference.” She valued that they were able to discuss these matters, and that he helped her to understand other ideas without forcing them upon her. “And I did the same for him, which really told me something about how open-minded we both were when it came to one another,” Jessie adds. “Financially, I was much more conservative than him. But as we were together for longer, we talked about it and he read up on financial planning, and I became more open to spending on things that were worth it. It ended up that we balanced each other out.” This is one of the key facets of a relationship that leads to marriage; seeing other perspectives, and adjusting one’s own view as necessary.

You don’t see them through rose-colored glasses.

Deidra Denson, 50, has been married to her partner, Alice, for several years, and has been with her for much longer. She says that she knew Alice was the one because she was able to see the relationship realistically. Instead of romanticizing it, she just “went along with things at first,” Deidra admits. “I looked at it practically, and that enabled me to see us working together, realistically. I saw her as a very close friend, and then that evolved.” Jessie, too, admits that she didn’t see things with Kevin in a romanticized way. She saw it, at its core, as a friendship, “because that’s what you have when take away the sexual element,” Jessie admits.

Kay Songer, 29, agrees. She says that she knew Scott was the right person for her because they were able to just hang out with each other. “I’ll never forget how, one night, we just stayed up late watching the dumbest videos on the Internet. We stayed up laughing and fell asleep cuddling. It wasn’t romantic or particularly exciting, but it worked,” she explains. “We were friends, and we were more.”

We are more apt to see our friendships practically, as a give-and-take built on shared experiences, shared ideas, and a genuine desire just to spend time together. You have to be practical about who you choose to marry, and knowing that your relationship works as a friendship makes it clear that it can endure.

The idea of “The One” may be abstract, ill-defined, and unrealistic. More likely than not, we’d be compatible with more than one person in a lifetime. But that doesn’t mean that every good relationship should lead to marriage, and every seemingly problematic relationship can’t be fixed and lead to marriage. It’s never that cut-and-dried. “The One” may live in shades of gray, but these elements do help to define it a little bit, helping us to understand that there are key qualities in certain relationships that can lead us to, in the wise words of Beyonce, “put a ring on it.”

The post How’d You Know? 5 Couples Share Those Key Moments When They Knew They’d Found ‘The One’ appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

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Millennial women are nowhere near passionless, but their attitudes about love are smart and well-informed. She’s not looking for perfection (because it doesn’t exist, obviously), but she’s looking for the right feeling, and she’ll know when she finds it, even though it’s not about “finding” anything … you know?

You probably don’t know, and that’s why it’s worth taking the time to learn some of the ideas millennial women have about love that you probably wouldn’t have expected.

1. Loving you does mean leaving you.

More people these days believe more in letting their lovers fly if things aren’t working out, as opposed to working fiercely to keep them around. There are plenty of fish in the sea, says the internet, where you can find your next date literally on a site called Plenty of Fish.

2. Gifts are more suspect than romantic.

If a millennial woman gets a gift from someone she’s just started dating, or even from her long-time partner, she’s more liable than her predecessors to think, What did he or she do to warrant a gift? Did I forgot our anniversary or something? What did I do??

3. Chivalry is sexism in a feeble disguise.

A male partner holding a door open for a millennial woman may get a sneer rather than a smile. Like most everything else, chivalry was born out of a culture of sexism, and she’ll remind her male partner of this fact.

4. Best friends can make the best lovers.

Don’t be worried about “being put in the friend zone.” Friendships make for a solid relationship foundation, and lots of women will look for love in comfortable places these days.

5. Finding love is terrifying because it means surrendering independence.

Love and independence have historically been quite intertwined for women, so it’s no big surprise that educated women understand this history and are sensitive about it. Millennial women tend to be hyper-aware of the idea of female oppression through marriage.

6. “Falling in love” is a notion confined to less jaded generations.

How can you be so naïve as to try and unify a feeling that is completely unique and special in every single human being?

7. Close friends are just as good as, if not better than, romantic lovers and can serve as an acceptable replacement for the latter.

Committed, monogamous, romantic relationships are dated now that we humans know better — divorce rates have consistently shown that we’re not necessarily meant to mate for life. Why not have sex on the side and reserve the people you really trust for lifelong partner status?

8. You can take the temperature of your relationship by text messages.

The tone and the frequency indicate everything a millennial woman needs to know about your feelings for her.

9. Love at first sight no longer has to take place in person.

It can happen on Tinder … but she’s not taking it seriously, regardless.

10. Being in your Facebook profile picture means your feelings for her are legit.

It means you’re not afraid to show others how much you love her, and you’re not self-conscious about your status as a couple.

11. Break-ups aren’t necessarily goodbyes.

People break up and get back together all the time these days. Maybe it’s because of social media, where an ex-lover can easily pop up on your feed and remind you of how good the good times were … and be just as easy to get in touch with.

12. Love does mean having to say you’re sorry.

Apologizing for your mistakes and admitting you’re wrong is much more romantic to modern women than sweeping problems under the rug in the guise of true love.

13. You can’t change someone just because you love them, and don’t even try.

Accepting people for who they are is the game, now — not saving a bad boy or making some kind of project out of improving your romantic partner.

14. In fact, love isn’t a game at all.

It’s more like a friendship. Drama is just another name for a bad relationship.

15. “Practical matches” are for people from a couple generations ago.

Though millennial women may be more practical in how they deal with their partners, they’re not choosing them because they’re going to provide the most comfortable lifestyle, or fit in snugly with their family’s expectations.

16. Sex may cause chemical feelings of attachment in women … but it’s not going to trick anyone into feeling love.

The millennial woman has learned to conquer the strong emotions that can accompany otherwise loveless sex, even though she understands that her body may just make her feel them sometimes.

17. The “perfect mate” doesn’t exist.

Luckily, she’s not looking for him or her. She’s just maybe hoping she’ll meet someone who turns out to be her best friend, shares some of her values, and is well above average in bed.

The post 17 Surprising Conceptions Millennial Women Have About Love appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

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These days, it seems like everyone extols the virtues of waiting to get married. Do it later in life, they say, when you’ve had the time to date around and see what you really want. Wait until you’ve established your career, explored the world, and lived on your own.

No one has stopped to point out that people used to get married at a much younger age. There’s no denying that the median age for marriage has gone up. In the 1950s, the median age was 22.8 for men; in 2010, it was 28.2. Today, it’s at 29 for men, and who knows, maybe it’s rising.

An article in The Atlantic published in 2013 explains that the only people truly benefitting from this trend of marrying later in life are college-educated women. They make more money as a result, but they’re actually the only demographic that sees income benefits of any kind from marrying later.

Instead, marriage later in life doesn’t seem to help all that much. According to some research, the divorce rate has been on the rise, and as of 2014, is at an “all-time high.” It has been going up, apparently, for the past 30 years. While there’s no clear correlation between marrying later in life and the increase in divorce, one has to wonder if marrying later in life is all it’s cracked up to be. There are advantages, of course, but extolling the virtues of waiting has become common practice, and led us to overlook the many advantages of marrying before we hit twenty-five. Instead of dismissing early marriage as “old-fashioned” and “risky,” let’s take a look at some great reasons to think about marrying earlier on:

1. You get to spend more time with someone you love.

Marrying young means you have more time together; you start your journey of living together, sharing experiences, and building a family more quickly, so more of your life is, well, spent together. This is a great thing when you’re already dating someone you adore. It’s a way to spend even more time with each other.

2. You have kids sooner.

The sooner you marry, the earlier on there is a potential for starting a family. When you have kids younger, they are more likely to be healthy, you have more energy for them, and best of all, they’ll be out of the house sooner. That means you and your spouse will be younger when the kids are gone, and it’s time to enjoy being a couple again.

3. Better sex.

That’s right guys. A study from Mathematica Policy Research, Inc. tells us that the younger you marry, the better sex you have in your marriage. If you think about it, of course this is true! You’re younger, you have more energy, so sex will likely be more frequent and more exciting. This is important; sex brings couples closer to one another, and can help everyone feel happier and more satisfied with their partner.

4. You grow together.

We all change as the years go on, but when you’re married, you’re sharing experiences and changing from them at the same time, potentially in similar ways. A shared trip to, say, Africa may help both of you gain global perspective, and help you see your problems at home in a more accurate light. You try new foods together, exploring other cultures and becoming open-minded. You discuss world events together, and hopefully enlighten one another with your respective viewpoints. Instead of having disparate experiences that may impact you for better or worse, each good and bad moment helps both of you change in potentially similar ways.

5. You have a ton of amazing memories.

The younger you are, the more fun stuff you do. When you get married young, and are not quite ready for kids, you have the opportunity to travel, do some risky things, and have adventures (no need to find a babysitter!) In forty years, you’ll look back and be able to remember skydiving together, hiking the Alps, camping in the desert in the summertime (boy, that was dumb), going to music festivals, and that crappy house you lived in because you had no money. These memories can also lead to some pretty great inside jokes that you’ll hopefully be laughing at for decades to come.

6. You struggle.

Back to that crappy house. When you marry early, you don’t have money just yet (necessarily). You haven’t quite established yourselves, and there’s beauty in that. Together, you navigate the world of couponing, eating frozen dinners, and buying Two Buck Chuck that you both don’t understand the mass appeal of. You sneak into a second movie at the theater, and you spend hours at small, local book stores laughing as you go through the weird books in their Used For $1 bin. You can’t pay for elaborate vacations, so you take road trips and go camping in a too-small tent. These are, once again, amazing memories, and help you share in the gratitude you both feel when you finally have “made it.”

7. You learn how best to support each other… and get along.

A lot of our personal struggles happen after college, as we navigate the adult world for the first time. We’re learning how to budget, how to find a job, maybe even how to do our own laundry, pay bills, and have a credit card. It can be very overwhelming. But because you experience these things together, you learn how to comfort your partner. You discover that when she doesn’t get that “dream” job she applied for, she wants to be left alone for a few hours before you hang out. You realize early on that he never had to clean up after himself as a kid, and you need to teach him to put his plates in the dishwasher, his socks in the laundry bin, and his smelly gym bag, well, somewhere other than your bedroom. Once these obstacles are out of the way, you can move on to enjoying each other.

8. You become friends with their friends.

Straight out of school, you still rely a lot on your college friends as a support group. You spend a good deal of time together, and your spouse is with you, so they join in. As you begin working, you go out with colleagues, and you invite your spouse. You foster these friendships together, getting to know one another’s best buddies, enjoying sports games, bars, shopping trips, and even vacations together. You build your own little family, all of your choosing.

9. You feel supported.

Sometimes we feel lonely and lost when we’re still “figuring things out.” We wonder what we’re supposed to do with our lives, where we should live, if we’re saving enough money for retirement, all of those important “adult” things. It’s comforting to know that there’s someone there with us from the beginning to help us through our mistakes, join us if we need to move for a new job, and help us save up for the future.

People who marry younger, believe it or not, are happier. They may, on average, earn less, but the research finding that they’re happier shows that when you’re with the one you love, money matters a lot less.

The post What Are We Missing Out On? 9 Reasons To Get Married Earlier In Life appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Universal Pictures/Knocked Up

So you’re having trouble getting past the first date, with pretty much everyone you’ve spent time with lately. You can’t figure out what’s going wrong. Do you have bad breath? Is the restaurant you always suggest too expensive? Is your new haircut ugly? Possibly. But maybe you’re not the problem at all. It’s just, well, the things you like to talk about.

As fun as it can be to share that crazy story about getting the stomach flu on your trip to Thailand, or to explain how you can’t believe you ever voted for President Obama, you may not leave your date impressed when you bring up these topics. Yes, you’ll certainly be remembered by them, but probably not in the best of ways. They’ll probably share your stories over drinks with their friends, laughing about what a “weirdo” you were. And no, don’t expect them to text you tomorrow.

Eccentricities that you think are charming and delightful are not super cute to that hot girl sitting in front of you. Not everyone is charmed by your irrational fear of birds, or thinks Irritable Bowel Syndrome is appropriate dinner table conversation. While you’re at it, you may just want to err on the side of caution, and avoid these topics in general (Note: All listed topics have not gone over so well in real life dating situations, just in case you were wondering):

1. Politics

Most of the time, people feel strongly about certain political issues, particularly when it comes to social issues and foreign policy. Unless you know for a fact that your date only reads the news when they’re bored in a doctor’s office waiting room, or they share your precise political position of “fiscally conservative, socially liberal with a hawkish perspective on foreign policy,” it’s better to just skip politics. Politics stir up strong emotions, as most well-informed people already have their stance on major issues like abortion, immigration, and war, and your beliefs are not going to change their mind. If you try to discuss it, you may put the other person on the defensive.

Politics are something to discuss down the line, lest they keep you from giving a great person a shot at a second date. So wait until you’ve realized that you actually like and respect one another as people. Then you can decide that you simply “cannot date someone who actually liked Bill Clinton.”

2. Religion

People are religious about religion. Prolific, right? The reality is, many people are either raised with a religion and have cherished it for years, are raised with a religion and absolutely hate it, or were raised with no religion at all and don’t believe in it. Like politics, a lot of people have strong feelings about it. A lot don’t, which will make it an easier topic of conversation down the road.

But religion is not the best material for the initial stages of dating. Of course it’s important that your religious values align somewhat, or at least don’t conflict. Still, the subject is deeply personal to some, deeply upsetting to others, and it could definitely put you and/or your date on the defensive (again). Religion is serious stuff. It’s one thing to simply say, “I was raised Catholic,” “I don’t go to church,” or “I’m Jewish and going to Israel for a Birth Right trip.” It’s a whole other thing to discuss the intricacies of your upbringing in the church, or the extent to which you don’t believe in God. Unless of course you met at church and know that you have common ground on the subject, in which case, you’re probably fine.

3. Bodily Functions

Don’t tell her you just farted. No, really, she won’t think it’s funny. She’ll just be afraid that she’s going to smell it. Ideally, you won’t fart, burp, or anything else at dinner. But men in particular seem willing to talk about bodily functions pretty casually, especially compared with women.

Unfortunately, unless she’s your best friend who you’ve known for years, she probably doesn’t want to think of you that way just yet. Sure, we all do these things, but it doesn’t mean we can’t pretend that the person we’re with isn’t a little smelly and a little gross sometimes. It’s nice to sustain that illusion for as long as possible, and see someone in the best, most unrealistic light possible while we still can.

4. Creepy Sexual Comments

Even if you think it’s not creepy, it probably is coming across that way. Saying anything sexual, unless you’re dating just to hook up, is most likely not going to go over well, especially with the ladies. In addition to making you sound like you’re coming on way too strong, it also breaks down any level of romanticism. It’s fun to have a little mystery in the beginning, and wonder what the other person is thinking. Sexual comments make it pretty clear what you want from the get-go. And while it’s nice to know that the person you’re with is attracted to you, it’s also great to see that they’re interested in your wit, charm, and remarkable intelligence.

5. Illnesses

Sure, you need to explain that you can’t eat the cheese plate he wants because you’re lactose intolerant. But let’s not get into the fact that when you do eat cheese, you need to spend an hour in the bathroom afterwards. It’s neither ladylike, nor sexy to explain that you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome; it just makes him picture you, well, you get it. Part of building up the mystery and romanticism when you’re getting to know someone is keeping some yucky stuff out of the conversation. It makes that initial attraction so much more powerful and exciting.

The overarching theme here is pretty clear. It’s all about building up an image of yourself that shows who you are, without getting into the nitty-gritty stuff. By forging a connection over shared hobbies, favorite TV shows, and similar upbringings and goals, you can come up with fun things to see, talk about, and do together. Then, as you get to know each other for the great people you are, you can explain that you can’t get a cat together because you’re, well, scared of them. And maybe you’ll already like each other so much that it just won’t matter.

The post Shut Up! 5 Taboo Topics You Shouldn’t Talk About For The First Few Dates appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Image via Hinge

You keep swiping left on Tinder, bored by all of the same pictures of girls making Kylie Jenner pouts into the camera. Then you stop. There’s a picture of a tan, toned brunette wearing a bikini. She’s got beautiful eyes, a bright smile, and wait… she loves “How I Met Your Mother,” spicy foods, shooting guns, working out, and big dogs. Just. Like. You. You swipe right and it’s a match.

As you start a conversation, you find out that she’s a professional cheerleader who does charity work in her spare time, and would love to grab dinner with you one night. You think it’s too good to be true… and you’re right.

Because “Jennifer from Tinder” is actually married, but you won’t discover that for many, many dates down the line, when she finally explains why she can only see you on weeknights.
That’s the magic of Tinder. It enables you to connect with a wide variety of people — including the married kind. When you’re married, it’s hard to sneak away from your spouse for long periods of time to head to a bar or club to meet people. Dating apps like Tinder and Hinge make it easy. You can meet new people on your phone while watching TV, or taking the train to work in the morning. You can set up a date, and tell your spouse you’re grabbing drinks after work. Then the hookups can ensue.

When Did Cheating Become OK?

A recent study by GlobalWebIndex found that a whopping 42 percent of people using Tinder are either in a relationship or married. Another dating app called Hinge found that 1.6 percent of its users were married or engaged, with another 2 percent in a relationship, according to their Facebook statuses. In all fairness, some of these statistics may point to married users who are not trying to cheat, but simply wish to play around with Tinder and “see what it’s all about.” Yes, apparently some people are just suffering from major FOMO and create accounts to see if people will swipe right for them.

However, some of these people actually are using the app to cheat; apparently, it’s a great way to do so. One website even recommends using Tinder to find an affair, considering it “the best thing to use.” The Huffington Post, meanwhile, calls Tinder “the perfect app for catching your cheating boyfriend.” This may be a joke, but it’s also true. There are numerous stories online of people using dating apps to initiate affairs of some kind.

Why is this a trend, now? When did cheating become so casual, simple, and convenient? The digital world has made it so.

People in relationships may begin using dating apps innocently enough, just to “see what it’s all about.” Then conversations begin, and to many, this seems harmless. A JDate/Christian Mingle report reveals that only about half of men actually consider flirtatious online conversation to be “unfaithful.” Sixty-eight percent of women think that it constitutes unfaithful behavior. But this kind of faceless, impersonal flirtation can lead to more. It may feel less scandalous than flirting with someone one night at a bar or club, but it can amount to the same final result: cheating.

Dating apps also make communication on the “down-low” much easier. Communication through the app makes it easier to keep conversations hidden. There are no ringing phones, no buzzing text messages, and there’s the added opportunity to communicate at all hours. No more late-night phone calls from your mistress, just a message on your phone that you can always respond to once you have privacy.

Cheating has also become more common because of the very existence of technology. According to one New York Times report, the numbers have gone up, in part, due to access to email, instant messaging, and cell phones that enable people to communicate throughout the day (like when they’re away from their spouses).

The whole impersonal quality of virtual messaging helps things along. Christian Mingle and JDate’s study also reveals that 41 percent of respondents think digital messaging makes it easier to flirt with someone else.

In other words, these apps are just part of the overall trend of technology making infidelity much easier.

The Apps Fight Back

Hinge is one app that’s ready to do something about it. Karen Fein, VP of marketing at Hinge, has decided to fight back to optimize the effectiveness of the app. She states that Hinge is “focused on helping people find relationships… any step towards increased trust and transparency is a good one.”

With that, Hinge plans to add users’ Facebook relationship statuses to their Hinge profiles. This could make a real difference. Anyone who changes their relationship status on Facebook to accommodate the new Hinge plan may raise red flags, especially with the spouse that they “unmarry” on Facebook.

This change will be part of Hinge’s 3.5 update, which does not yet have a release date. Some individuals may see Hinge’s update as a violation of privacy. After all, since when do apps need to have a moral code? At the same time, others may appreciate its protective measures, which only help those who are taking dating more seriously.

In the meantime, many online dating services and apps still remain a haven for people looking to cheat. The reality is, some people may cheat regardless of how difficult it is for them. But with technology making cheating easier — essentially at your fingertips — apps may need to start cracking down on people abusing their services. If not, those looking for a serious relationship could have an even harder time dating.

The post When Did It Become OK? Casual Cheating And The World Of Dating Apps appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Pexels

You’ve heard the phrase, but is it truth or just a cliché? A lot of people are drawn to a certain type — someone who doesn’t seem like their type at all, but they have great relationships! Is it because they’ve found their opposite? Having something in common helps a relationship, but it isn’t enough to keep you together. Should you be with someone totally different than you?

1. Your opposite excites you.

It’s only natural to be drawn to someone who is different from you. Someone who has lived a different life is attractive because you don’t already know every little thing about them. Sure, it can be cute and safe to date the boy next door, but you know every time he scraped his knee and every class he took in high school. Someone who is your opposite is so drastically different, you can’t help but be intrigued.

2. Your opposite has qualities you aspire to have.

You might want to be more compassionate and quiet, so you’re drawn to the guy who speaks softly and thoughtfully, while you blurt out every thought that crosses your mind. Or maybe you want to be more confident and outgoing, and that’s exactly the type of person you’re drawn to. It’s not a coincidence: you naturally gravitate towards people who are what you’d like to be. If you get into a relationship with someone like this, over time the qualities you admire in them could rub off on you, and vice versa.

3. Your opposite complements you.

As mentioned above, loud people are often drawn to quieter people. Your opposite can not only influence you to change (for the better!), but complement you overall. A lot of people think they want someone who is like them, but can you imagine being in a relationship with someone just as outspoken or quiet as you are? It’s great to be with someone who fits in a way that can help make you the best, most complete person you can be.

4. Your opposite fights differently.

Face it: you’re in a relationship, you’re going to get into fights! But if two yellers are in a relationship, those fights can escalate and get heated very quickly. A yeller fighting against a rational thinker, however, is more likely to be calmed down by the other’s even temperament. This might help the relationship succeed because your fights won’t be as messy.

5. Your opposite likes being your opposite.

All of these positives about being attracted to someone who is the opposite of you only works if that person is tolerant of you and your lifestyle. There is such a thing as being too different, where all you do is disagree about how to spend your time. Sometimes religious differences can be too major to overcome. Yet, if both of you accept each others’ differences, then that problem might not trip you up. The secret is to enjoy the traits that your partner has and you don’t. Trying to change a person never works, so a relationship with your opposite will only work if both of you embrace and accept your differences.

The post 5 Reasons Opposites Attract (And Stay Together!) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Image via Unsplash/Kevin Schmitz

Every day, millions of people wake up wondering when they will find “the one.” Will they meet them at work today? Pass them on the street? We all want to find the person for us — our life partner, our soulmate. It can be difficult to explain to someone else what draws you to that special person. So, here are nine signs that you have met your match in life.

1. You would rather be with that person than alone.

We all enjoy “alone time” — sitting in our beds watching Netflix without anyone to bother us. However, when you’ve found your soulmate, you find yourself willing to share that space on the bed and computer screen (and maybe even the popcorn).

2. You support them no matter what, and vice versa.

Obviously you’re not condoning any plots for someone’s murder, but you’re there to push them through all of life’s tough decisions, heartbreaks, and celebrations.

3. There is no awkwardness.

You can be your absolute weird/crazy self around them, and they’ll just laugh (possibly at you, but all in fun). You don’t need to keep a constant flow of conversation going at all times, and are perfectly content in silence.

4. They know all of your stubborn ways (and you theirs), but still put up with them anyway, no matter how unreasonable you get.

Let’s be real, we all have our stubborn flaws that we can’t seem to erase. However, your soulmate sees past that and is willing to give you a gentle nudge out of your own head when needed.

5. You don’t have the same views on everything, but you respect one another’s thoughts/views anyway.

We’re not all going to agree on every political, religious, or other controversial topic out there. However, you and your soulmate respect that and can politely agree to disagree.

6. You motivate each other in the best and most positive ways.

If your soulmate wanted to lose that extra five pounds, you would be right beside them at the gym pushing them to accomplish their goal. And you know that, if you wanted to accomplish winning a food eating contest, they would be there to cheer you on.

7. Their success is your success.

There is no jealously or negative vibes when it comes to your soulmate (or you) making a big accomplishment. You are just as excited as they are, and vice versa. You want each other to succeed in all you decide to do, and will be right there to buy celebratory drinks when each of you gets what you want.

8. You mesh with their friends and family and even their pets.

Because you and your soulmate are like two peas in a pod, it’s easy to accept and love their posse. Friends and family are a huge part of what makes your soulmate who they are, so blending in with these people is easy.

9. You two just get each other.

No questions, no judgment, or weird side glances. Everything you do, you’re soulmate just gets and loves.

The post 9 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Relativity Media/Don Jon

With online dating being what it is, we all go on a helluva lot of first dates these days. And, more often than not, those first dates are also last dates. Now, obviously, there are many possible contributing factors here — lack of chemistry, inconvenient geography, misrepresentation of looks, and so on. And then of course, there’s the biggie: somebody says something stupid.

Men are probably a little more in danger of sticking a foot in their mouth than are women. We say something we think is romantic, and it comes off creepy and stalker-ish. We want to let her know we find her attractive, and we sound like we’re just trying to get laid. We want to impress her and we come off arrogant. We try to be funny and end up offending her. There are a lot of traps we fall into, and instead of getting a goodnight kiss, we kiss our chances of a second date goodbye.

So, men may be better at screwing up a first date, but we certainly don’t have the market cornered. So ladies, just to put it out there, here’s a list of things that most guys don’t want to hear on that first face-to-face. If you like the guy, I’d avoid most of these. Of course, if you don’t like the guy, feel free to use this list to ensure that you never see him again.

1. I want to have kids.

Um, that’s great. But we’re just getting to know each other. I’m not auditioning to be your sperm donor.

2. My ex…

Yeah, we both have histories. I don’t want to feel like you’re hung up on some guy from your past, so let’s save the ex-talk for at least date number two.

3. My mom is crazy.

Uh-oh. Then there’s a good chance you are, too.

4. You’re perfect for me.

How could you possibly know that right now? You might think this is a compliment, but it comes off super-needy.

5. I hate…

Don’t talk about things you hate. Focus on the positive.

6. My therapist says…

Yikes.

7. Say something funny.

I’m not a trained monkey here to entertain you. Let it come naturally.

8. Let me feel your muscles.

Real men don’t flex on command. If you want to touch me, just do it.

9. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before.

Um… no?

10. So I Googled you, and…

Oh great. A stalker. Look, there’s nothing really wrong with Googling someone before you meet them. Just keep it to yourself.

11. What kind of money do you make?

Seriously?

12. I don’t like this place.

Great. And I picked it. Well, I’m glad I’ve already disappointed you.

13. What you should do is…

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. I was looking for a new mom.

14. I think we’ll be good friends.

Don’t ever say the “f” word on a date. Just reject our goodnight kiss. It’s easier to deal with.

15. I usually date guys who are…

Richer, in better shape, whatever. I don’t care.

16. I’m not racist, but…

You’re about to say something extremely racist.

17. LOL

Hey, I got news for you. We’re sitting here face to face. You can actually laugh out loud.

18. I don’t own a TV.

Oh, you’re sooo cool.

19. Sorry, I really have to take this call.

And I’ll be gone before you hang up.

20. That guy over there is really hot.

Thanks for pointing that out. Guess I’m free to check out the waitress’s ass.

21. People tell me I’m high-maintenance.

And you consider this a selling point?

22. How many women have you slept with?

Even my best friend doesn’t know the truth about that. I’m sure as hell not gonna tell you.

23. So what are you doing tomorrow?

Uh… slow down there, honey. I’m glad you want to see me again, but don’t put me on the spot like that.

24. Come home with me.

Yeah, that’s right. If we really like you, this is something we don’t want to hear on a first date.

25. So I want to tell you about an exciting opportunity…

Oh great. This isn’t a date, it’s an invitation to join a pyramid scheme.

26. Can we wrap this up? I got another date tonight.

Ah, the joys of internet dating.

27. I thought you’d be taller.

Yeah, we know you like tall guys. That’s why we always round up on our profiles.

28. Have you been saved?

Oh, boy.

29. How long was your last relationship?

Didn’t we already go over not talking about the ex? That applies to mine, too.

30. Tell me all about yourself.

What happened to good old conversation? This isn’t a job interview.

31. I’m not looking for a relationship right now.

With me, you mean. Got it.

32. This is my first date in years.

Okay. Even if this is true and there’s a good reason for it, you just turned the pressure up to eleven.

33. So how do you think this is going?

If you have to ask…

34. This just isn’t working out.

Hey, screw you. There are nicer ways to blow a guy off, you know.

35. I love you.

Check please.

The post 35 Things That Should Never Come Out Of A Woman’s Mouth On The First Date appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.