Columbia Pictures/How Do You Know

Women already are about ten times more likely to have others treat them in a diminutive fashion. If you’re a petite woman, forget it — you’re well into a world of cheek pats and “isn’t-she-cutes.”

If you come across a woman with a particularly small frame, please do her a favor. Spare her from what she’s been forced to believe is her annoying destiny by avoiding any and all of the following comments:

1. Does your mother know you’re here, sweetheart?

No, her mother does not know of her specific whereabouts because she is over the age of 21. Thanks for checking up, though.

2. [Insert literally anything], little girl??

Not even 6-year-olds like being called “little girl,” let alone people who’ve been legally allowed to drink since the ’90s.

3. I can just stow you away in my suitcase on my honeymoon with my new wife … she’ll never even notice!

Hmm, at least being a petite woman has some practical implications! It’s so easy to cheat on your wife with them, because you can simply carry them wherever you go!

4. I’ll get the blue paint — you can be a Smurf for Halloween!

Good costume; wrong reason for suggesting it.

5. My American Girl Doll grew out of her party dress. you need something to wear to that Christmas Party, right?

First of all, why does your American Girl Doll grow? Second of all, her clothes are made for “people” who hardly move, so they probably won’t stand up to a holiday party’s worth of activity.

6. [Head pats … *shudder*]

This is perhaps the most demeaning thing anyone can do to anyone else. Whether a woman is petite or not, her blood with boil when you lay your palm on her head. Never do it.

7. That’s a big drink for such a little girl!

It’s not a big drink when she’s developed a hearty alcohol tolerance to put up with assholes who say things like this.

8. You look very … mature for your age.

(This usually just translates to: “You’re so small, but your boobs are so big!”)

9. [Skeptical look] … May I see your ID, miss?

This question is flattering to almost everyone but petite women; just so you know … unless she’s surpassed a certain age, like 40.

10. I could just eat you up!

Again, not even children like to hear this garbage.

11. Really?! I wouldn’t have put you at over fourteen!

Calling someone fourteen is never a compliment. Fourteen often marks the tail end of an awkward stage.

12. You’ve heard the term “spinner” before, right?

If you haven’t, look it up on Urban Dictionary or something. You’ll see why no woman wants to be called one.

13. We don’t need to buy you a ticket. You can just sit on my lap; save us all some money.

Why would you ever assume that your lap would be a comfortable place for someone to sit, let alone a comfortable way for you to maintain feeling in yours legs throughout whatever show/flight you’re seeing/taking?

14. Where did you learn about Nietzsche? I didn’t know they taught him in high school.

They taught philosophy in college, actually, where’s she’s received a degree so she could get her current space in grad school.

15. You look so good for your age!

Just cap it at: “You look so good.” There’s no need to qualify it with “for your age.”

16. What’s your secret for looking so young? Is it your diet?

No. It’s because she’s short. Relax.

17. Oh, whoops, let me just bring you the kids’ menu …

Why don’t you wait for the “parents” in the situation to ask for the kid, as per usual? Oh, wait, there isn’t anyone who looks like the “parents?” Then why did you ask this question in the first place?

18. You should probably wait outside of the liquor store while we pick this up.

She has an ID, I’m sure. If you’re that worried about your credibility in a liquor store, there’s another issue to address here.

19. At least it’s easy for you to fit on the subway during rush hour!

Don’t confuse this with a pleasant rush hour experience; it’s kind of worse when people don’t feel like they need to give you space.

20. You’re going to look young forever. You’re so lucky!

Think about how lucky it might feel to be told all of the above, and to look younger than all of your friends when you’re still 21 and younger.

21. Jailbait.

C’mon, unnecessary.

22. [To your significant other:] Is that your daughter?

Hopefully, no one will ever say this. But if you do, hope that neither of them are in a fighting mood.

23. You sure you don’t have a little [insert stereotypically short ethnicity here] in you?

Making assumptions about ethnicity will always go wrong. No exceptions.

The post 23 Things Petite Women Are Tired Of Hearing appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Warner Bros. Pictures/American Sniper

Military men seem pretty great at getting the ladies, and not just during Fleet Week in NYC, where hundreds of hot young Navy guys are greeted on the shores of N.Y. by some very excited single women.

“Normal” guys love to write their appeal off as “the uniform,” or the fact that they’re usually in great shape. Sorry, boys, it’s not just those things, though the uniforms and muscles do help. But there’s a reason the military men you meet, more so than other hot men in uniform (think firefighters, police officers, the UPS guy), are either in relationships, or don’t seem to have a lot of trouble meeting women.

Here’s what they’ve got to offer. At the end of the day, most of these things are qualities any guy could bring to the table, if he really tried. Military men just already seem to have it:

1. Unquestionable loyalty.

Military guys have a higher calling; they’re committed to serving their country, and their loyalty to the nation will take them to war zones, disaster areas, and anywhere they’re called to. They also forge strong bonds with one another. You’ve seen “Band of Brothers,” you’ve heard of “no man left behind.” It’s all true. They commit themselves to a purpose, and to one another, all for a greater cause.

Women love knowing that a man can be loyal. Just knowing that they are capable of devoting themselves to something else outside of themselves shows a level of unselfishness and integrity that frankly, a lot of people in general don’t seem to have.

Continue reading at VOICED.com

The post It’s Not Just The Uniform: 10 Reasons Military Guys Are Irresistible appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Image via Favim

Cursing is an art form. Some people are good at it, some aren’t. There are still some people out there who will tell you that using profanity demonstrates a lack of vocabulary or intelligence. Those people can suck my fat fucking balls. Some of the most creative, imaginative language I’ve ever heard has been centered on swearing. So let’s put that one to rest, okay?

“Fucking” may be the greatest, most versatile adjective of all time. The difference between “great” and “fucking great” is immeasurably vast. For example, if someone went to a concert and told me, “It was fucking awesome,” I’m like, “Shit, I wish I’d been there.” Conversely, if that same someone told me, “It was quite wonderful,” well, that paints a less-enticing picture, and I don’t really feel like I missed out on anything.

Or what about “goddammit?” By the way, as you can see, I prefer the phonetic spelling of that particular curse. You can spell it however you fucking want. There is no other phrase in the English language that makes a point like a well-placed “goddammit!” Especially when expressing displeasure. When someone shouts it out, you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that someone’s in big trouble.

Anyway, the thing about cursing, even among those who accept it, is that there’s still a widely held double standard about men vs. women using it. Even some men who drop an f-bomb every other word sometimes cringe when they hear the same kind of language from the fairer sex. Well, fuck all that. There’s nothing wrong at all with a woman who knows how to curse. In fact, there’s something very right about it, and I’ve provided you with a handy list of why that is.

But before we get into the particulars, here’s a quick caveat: Read the room. Weather you do or don’t have a dick, never swear around kids or old people. That’s really fucking tacky.

1. They tell it like it fucking is.

When people aren’t afraid to curse, you usually can assume they’re being honest, because they clearly don’t have much of a filter.

2. They don’t take any shit.

via imgur

Women who curse freely will not put up with your bullshit. Don’t believe me? Try it and see. She’ll rip you a new asshole.

3. They’re goddamn sexy.

Clearly, this is a matter of taste, but if you don’t agree, you’re wrong.

4. They don’t give a damn what any mother-fucker thinks.

Not giving a shit about the opinions of others is always an attractive quality.

5. They talk really fucking dirty during sex.

Oh yeah. You will hear some of the filthiest shit you’ve ever heard in your life. You better do it, too.

6. You don’t have to watch your own goddamn mouth.

Isn’t it refreshing to not have to censor yourself around the person with whom freedom of expression should be so important?

7. They’re really fucking funny.

This flies in the face of most of the shit on this list, but there’s something hilarious about a cute, five-foot woman with a squeaky voice cursing like a sailor. And then you’ve got Sarah Silverman. Awesome.

8. They don’t give a shit about being ladylike.

Fuck that noise. Haven’t we moved past those antiquated definitions of a lady, anyway?

9. They’re fucking passionate.

A good curse word here and there let’s people know you fucking mean it.

10. They don’t keep shit inside.

via replygif.net

You always know where you stand with a woman who’s not afraid to let loose with a profanity-heavy tirade.

11. They don’t date pussies.

Guys who blush easily need not apply.

12. They’re allowed to say “the c word,” which is funny to hear in the right context.

Dudes aren’t allowed to say this word unless they’re British. But a woman can drop it whenever she wants. Cue the spit-take.

13. They know how to tell a fucking story.

I don’t know. Without a few f-bombs, I tend to drift off.

14. They know how to have a good goddamn time.

Let’s be honest. People who curse are a lot more fun than people who don’t.

15. They’re creative as shit.

This falls under the “expression” umbrella, but there’s a definite correlation between swearing and creativity.

16. They’re strong as shit.

A woman who swears a lot is not someone you want to fuck with.

17. It shows they’re fucking confident.

via thegiflibrary.tumblr.com

Cursing projects confidence. It’s fucking true.

18. They’re generally less fucking stressed out.

Profanity releases tension. Believe it and practice it.

19. They’re not afraid of a goddamn thing.

I hate using the word “fierce,” but it applies here.

20. They’re clearly not fucking concerned with gender-specific stereotypes.

So maybe she’ll pick up the goddamn check every once in a while.

The post F*ck Yeah! 20 Reasons Men Love A Woman With A Dirty Mouth appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Image via geekwithguns.tumblr.com

So you don’t support a woman’s right to choose… but you’re a woman? You must really like Sarah Palin then. Does that mean you aren’t concerned about the wage gap between men and women? How could you not support someone like Hillary Clinton? She empowers women! These are all things that conservative women hear on a regular basis. They may also hear that it would be anti-feminist if they quit their jobs to be a stay-at-home mom, and that they really shouldn’t have a gun in the house since there’s no need for it in their nice, suburban neighborhoods.

These are not ideas that all liberals hold, by any means. But in largely liberal places like New York, Los Angeles, and Washington, DC, conservatives are subjected to an array of liberal perspectives like those above. Either way, it’s remarkable how quickly liberals react with concern to conservatives as a whole, and women even more so.

People seem to be baffled by conservatives in big, diverse, East and West coast cities. It doesn’t help that many media outlets are liberal. From The Los Angeles Times to NBC News, it’s hard to escape headlines like: “State by state, abortion laws control women in the guise of protecting them.” It’s hard not to stumble upon entire sections of a news website devoted to articles that paint Republican candidates in an unflattering light.

This kind of coverage doesn’t make it easier on right-wingers; Democrats love to use sound bites from New York Times op-eds criticizing either Fox News or the latest abortion ban as ammunition to argue their points. The abundance of left-wing information online, on TV screens, and in your favorite newspaper makes it easy.

Conservative & Female… An Oxymoron In The Making?

Meanwhile, conservative women are left grabbing at straws to justify their beliefs. Well-versed in political issues or not, a conservative woman simply can’t explain her political sentiments to anyone. They won’t make sense.

The prevailing idea is that women should be Democrats. According to a Gallup poll, “women are more likely to be Democrats, regardless of age.” Forty-one percent of women identify as Democrats, compared to 32 percent of men. Twenty-five percent of women, meanwhile, identified as Republican in the Gallup poll. A March 2012 poll by the Pew Research Center may provide some clue as to why: Because women favor big government. Women favor more direct government action on behalf of the poor, children, and elderly; they want the government to regulate food and the environment, and according to another 2012 poll, about 50 percent of female voters are pro-choice.

Here’s the thing. Conservative females are pro-choice too, but in a different way. They believe that women should have the choice to hold whatever political views they desire, without comments from the peanut gallery. When conservative women share pro-life beliefs, they are called “unsupportive of women.” But isn’t it “unsupportive of women” to expect all women to hold a uniform set of political ideas?

Feminist Conservatives

Just because you’re a woman and a conservative, doesn’t mean you’re anti-feminist. In some ways, conservative women are actually more supportive of other women. They focus less on gender, because at the end of the day, they all want the same thing: a better and safer nation. They see a woman’s right to choose as the most important thing of all, because women have the right to choose to be conservative without judgment, to choose to bear arms, and to choose the car they want to drive. They retain those beliefs in spite of the vitriol from other women who say, “How could you?”

There’s an idea that conservatives are traditionalists. They have launched a war on women’s sexuality, and they fear empowering women, who supposedly belong in the home. Perhaps the Republican Party does need to do a better job appealing to women, and acknowledging the role of gender politics in the larger political process.

But people also need to re-think what it means to be a modern woman. What if being an empowered female means choosing not to criticize other women because of their political beliefs? What if empowering women isn’t just about abortion and the corporate glass ceiling? Maybe it’s also about helping them have the confidence to negotiate salary to close the wage gap, and reminding them that abortion is not the only option available to them.

In much the same way as people ponder how racial minorities can be conservative, so too do they express confusion over the anomalous female conservative. This level of ignorance only offsets the push for women’s rights. Instead of looking at labels, let’s look more at the issues that concern us as individuals. If women focused less on attacking one another’s levels of “feminism,” perhaps they could find more qualified liberal and conservative women to represent them at the state level, in Congress, and one day, in the White House.

The post What It Means To Be A Conservative Female Today appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

20th Century Fox

Well, it’s always fun to piss people off by pointing out things that are generally (but no, not always) true about a specific sector of the population. Some of you people are so goddamn sensitive, it’s hard not to try and push your buttons. But that’s not exactly what I’m doing here today.

These aren’t things about women that “need to change.” These fall more under the category of “why bother?” Now, a lot of the items on this list are the equivalent of “men like sports” or “men obsesses about their penises.” These things will continue to go on no matter how many douche bag internet columnists make lists about them. So, go nuts, ladies. Continue to do all, some, or none of the things on this list. Just know that men don’t care about any of them.

1. Shoes

We will never understand this obsession. Never. We stopped trying decades ago.

2. Nails

As long as they’re not all scraggly and don’t (inappropriately) scratch us during sex, we couldn’t care less about your mani/pedi.

3. Make-Up

You want to use a little to subtly enhance a thing or two, great. But the more time you spend in the mirror painting your face, the less real you look.

4. Celebrity Gossip

Please shut up. We don’t care. We. Don’t. Care.

5. What You Order For Dinner

There seems to be a misconception that men analyze what a woman orders at dinner and somehow uses that information in some sort of profiling strategy. We don’t. Go ahead and order the ribs.

6. Making The First Move

This is one aspect of male/female interaction in which feminism has made little progress, and the one men are rooting for the most. Come over and talk to us, text us first, ask us out. It won’t offend our egos.

7. A Few Extra Pounds

It really doesn’t matter if you’re tight from head to toe. We don’t need you to spend five hours in the gym every day, or even just look like you do. Most of us like our girls to be a little soft.

8. Gifts

We give them to you because we’ve been taught that’s how to show you we care. But outside of birthdays and holidays, you really don’t need to give us anything. We probably don’t want it.

9. Age

It’s infuriating how often women lie about their age. We could give a shit about five years plus or minus. Unless of course, you’re under 18. We do care about that. And if we don’t, we will when we get arrested.

10. Height

Most women like tall guys; we know that. But there’s no such thing as too short or too tall to us.

11. Past Boyfriends/Husbands/Hookups

I mean, look: You’re a beautiful woman. We know you’ve had some dicks in you. Just don’t feel the need to tell us about all of them in some sort of nervous confession. We don’t want to think about that.

12. Whatever They Think Is Wrong With Their Boobs

They’re fine. Trust me. They’re fine.

13. That Bitch At Work

Yeah, we’ll listen to you complain about that woman (sometimes a man, but usually a woman) you hate. But we’re pretty sure she’s not really out to destroy you.

14. How They Measure Up To “Her”

Whoever “she” is. We like you for who you are.

15. Social Status

I guess there are some guys who think about how they measure up against certain people, but women are sure as hell a lot more vocal about it.

16. Hand Bags

“Isn’t it cute?” If you say so. We have no idea.

17. Body Hair

A smooth leg is nice sometimes, and we know you spend a lot of time and effort getting other places just right, but we’ll take it or leave it.

18. Cellulite

It takes a real douche to get turned off by this. Just about every woman has some, and the only thing that bothers us is you complaining about it.

19. Eyebrows

Seriously. Pluck them if they’ve grown together, but overly-shaped eyebrows make you look like an alien or a clone or something.

20. Cleanliness

Yeah, most guys would live in filth if they could do that and still get laid. Thanks for making us pick up after ourselves, but do we really need the whole goddamn place smelling like lavender?

21. Organic Food

I don’t know. I eat pretty much whatever I want, and I get sick less than every woman I’ve ever dated. Stop coddling your digestive systems so much.

22. Jewelry

We only notice it if it’s something we gave you.

23. Facebook

We’re only there to meet girls. If we’ve got one, we don’t have that same need to post pictures and status updates.

24. Going To The “Right Place”

Again, we usually only go anywhere to meet girls. It doesn’t matter to us how hip and trendy a restaurant is. We’d be fine with Outback Steakhouse, but we know you wouldn’t be caught dead in a chain.

25. Having It All

Don’t be so fucking greedy. There’s nothing wrong with ambition, but if what it takes to make you happy is everything, you’re going to live a life filled with disappointment.

The post 25 Things Women Obsess Over That Men Don’t Give A Sh*t About At All appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

HBO/Entourage

Honestly, why you should marry a Jewish man boils down to a single, profound reason — his mother trained him well. You know he’ll behave because he had a no-nonsense teacher in the art of treating women well.

Aside from that, here are some other (compelling?) points in his favor…

1. He’ll be circumcised.

Most people in the U.S. these days are used to seeing snipped junk. With a Jewish guy, you’re guaranteed nothing alien down south.

2. He’ll do what you say.

These guys remember what it was like to grow up with their presumably Jewish moms. They understand how to go with the flow to please women.

3. He’s family-oriented.

His parents didn’t give him a choice. Forget the estrangement of the WASP set. Proportionally fewer Jewish siblings hate each other than those of other religions (arguably).

4. He won’t tolerate bad restaurants.

Have you ever seen a Jewish man order food at a restaurant? More to the point, have you ever seen how a Jewish man reacts to not being satisfied at a restaurant? (Hint: Not graciously.)

5. He’ll treat you like a princess.

They tend to act like they feel lucky that pretty women even want to spend time with them, especially if those pretty women aren’t Jewish. Then they’re really surprised you want to spend time with them.

6. He’ll be careful with his money.

It’s an age-old stereotype, but that doesn’t mean it can’t ring true in many cases.

7. He’ll help you invest your money… conservatively.

He may very well be thrilled to help you out with this, but not to the extent of getting over-excited and blowing it on a hair-brained investment scheme.

8. His mom will pass on her family recipes to you.

This may not be a good thing. You’ll inevitably get it wrong, compared with her version and her mother’s before her.

9. His dad will love you.

He just will. Trust me.

10. He’ll be generous with the kids.

Amongst Jewish men, you’re somehow less likely to find the “let the boy make it for himself; he has to earn it without my help” sort of attitude. Not that he won’t instill a good work ethic. He just won’t be miserly towards the kid.

11. He probably has a good job.

He was most likely pressured to get this done since he was a kid. Plus, his third-generation American status affords him more upward mobility.

12. He’s entrepreneurial.

This entails some excitement, possibly travel, and an executive position of your own?

13. He’ll make you laugh.

Jews have been renowned for their (often self-deprecating) humor for many years. Behold as the legacy continues!

14. He won’t lash out, physically.

These guys grew up with their moms forbidding them from playing contact sports. They often also were the scrawniest guys on the playground in elementary or middle school. So the last way they’re going to try and resolve an argument is through fisticuffs.

15. Two words: body hair.

If you think body hair is sexy (it’s like an extra warm blanket in the winter!), you will dig your Jewish man. It gives you something to grab onto when the passion’s running high. Plus, it emits that kind of animal odor people are attracted to without realizing they’re attracted to it.

The post 15 Reasons You Should Marry A Jewish Man appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

USA Network/Suits

Okay, ladies. We all know there are a lot of fish in the sea, even though it can seem like the good ones aren’t biting a lot of the time. I have no doubt that looking for Mr. Right can seem like a tough prospect, but he’s probably out there. Or at least Mr. Close Enough.

It’s one thing to lower your standards and temper your expectations a little to accommodate; you know, real-life people with strengths and flaws, and get away from your vision of some fantasy Prince Charming who’s absolutely perfect in every conceivable way. But it’s another to settle for some lazy douche, just because he has hair and a steady job and you’re pushing thirty.

There are some things on this list that should be outright, one-offense deal-breakers, and I hope those are obvious to you. But the truth is, most of these are things that can be worked on—if you communicate that you want them. Guys aren’t mind readers and the sad fact is that most of us will consider borderline behavior acceptable unless you tell us otherwise. Odds are, if your guy is guilty of some of the things on this list, he’s willing to at least work on them. So tell him what you want, give him a little time and some positive reinforcement. You know, like training a dog. However, if he just flat out refuses to make some simple changes that are really mainly about compromise and respect, just break it off.

So, let’s get to it. You should never let your boyfriend:

Continue reading at VOICED.com

The post 35 Things You Should Never Let Your Boyfriend Do appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Dimension Films/Scream 4

Sometimes people watch a TV show simply because it is on television. Other times, they feel an intense pull toward that show. It speaks to their souls, and they can no longer imagine life without “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit,” or what have you.

Would it be inaccurate to define a person by his or her favorite television show? Yes. Are we going to try and do it anyway? Yes. Might it mean something after all? Sure, why not?

Now that we’ve decided to say, “What the hell, why not judge a book by its favorite TV series?”, here is a guide to what the following might say about your next female companion:

“Broad City”

To put it simply, this lady is fun. She knows how to have a good time and a good laugh, and she doesn’t feel the need to do anything elaborate or expensive in order to procure either. She’s also super smart — this is a woman who “gets it,” so make sure you can keep up.

“Law and Order: Special Victims Unit”

This woman is very caring and socially conscious but also a tiny bit out of touch in that she’ll shift between being way too cynical and way too hopeful about human behavior. She cares a lot about other woman and will openly identify as a feminist/social justice advocate without you having to ask.

“Scandal”

She’s ambitious and none too easy to stimulate. Try and get in the way of her career or her friends and she will slay you… with one very withering glance.

“Gilmore Girls”

She’s sentimental and truly values her alone time. Her relationship decisions will be informed and well thought through. Never try to play her for a fool. (I mean, never try to play anyone for a fool, but you especially won’t get away with it here.)

“Workaholics”

She feels like “one of the dudes,” which could be a really fun thing… or it could be painful watching a woman thinking she has to “act like a guy” to relate to one.

“Adventure Time”

She’s probably some kind of artist, and if she’s not, she’s maybe kind of hoping for you to be. This woman is also extremely whimsical. Her thinking resides on a different plane than most people’s. She’s very likely to quote the show when she gets excited about something (“Algebraic!!”).

“Pretty Little Liars”

She enjoys intrigue, and she probably has a bit of a mean streak. That can be a good thing when it comes to getting to know someone for real.

“The Walking Dead”

Anyone who loves zombie entertainment has to be a little bit fascinated by the end of times. Embracing the apocalypse makes a woman a true survivor…because she’s thought about how she’s going to survive in whatever horrific situation comes at her. She’s a strong companion and will support you even in dark times.

“Game of Thrones”

With an active imagination, this fantasy-embracing woman wants to explore, whether it’s your body or another country next time she gets the opportunity to take a vacation (and even if she doesn’t have the money to travel far, she’ll find a way to take the time to go somewhere she hasn’t been before). You won’t have to work to help her balance her desire for sex and her need to absorb herself in long novels. She knows how to make time for both.

“Girls”

She’s a bit disillusioned with her position in life, so she likes to see other people struggling more than her. She might find Brooklyn romantic (the super gentrified parts) and doesn’t believe in being an “adult,” which could be fun until it becomes… no longer fun, if you know what I mean.

“New Girl”

She has a sense of humor but not the best one. She likely fancies herself one of those women who gets along better with guys than with other women, and she will repeat that a lot, to the point where you don’t know whether to believe her.

“The Mindy Project”

She has a better sense of humor than the woman who loves “New Girl,” and she’s not afraid to make fun of herself/make a fool of herself because it’s just not a big deal. If you’re looking for someone to goof around with but who will also act as your rock, it might be this lady.

“The Bachelor”

She’s a true romantic, and she enters relationships “for the right reasons.” In her mind, those reasons are to get married and eventually have children.

“Lockup”

Her interests range from morbid to practical. She’ll be especially adamant about people giving her every side of any story they tell, and she will tell you that she doesn’t believe everything she reads/sees on TV… even though she’ll sometimes bring up tidbits she’s learned about the U.S. prison system from “Lockup” as if they’re gospel.

“Sons of Anarchy”

Obviously this is the kind of woman who wants nothing more than to ride a motorcycle into the night, or day, or afternoon. She seeks out adventure but also has some mothering sensibilities. She wants someone to care for, even when she’s putting herself in potentially dangerous situations.

“How To Get Away With Murder”

She fancies that she’s totally conniving and can get away with anything. This is far from the truth. Her sneaky smile serves as a constant dead giveaway for her mischief, which she’s prone to want to cause. Whether she actually gets up to any depends on her level of courage, which will be hard to predict based on her favorite TV show.

“The View”

She doesn’t have a job. Or she’s in childcare. So she’s either irresponsible or extremely responsible.

“The Real Housewives”

Whether it’s the housewives of Atlanta or Orange County, this woman loves watching other woman bitch at each other, which actually isn’t a red flag since almost everyone in America shares this sentiment. Money probably means something to her. You’ll have to find out whether she loves it or loathes what it can do to people.

“Ren and Stimpy”

She’s a real wildcard and currently in her mid- to late 20s. She likes smoking pot and eating cereal, probs.

“Orange Is the New Black”

She prefers getting too much of a good thing to delayed gratification. Friends are extremely important to her, and she’s good at keeping lots of them. She forges deep bonds and stays loyal to the people who are closest to her.

“The L Word”

She’s a lesbian. Don’t even try it.

The post What Her Favorite TV Show Says About Her appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Fox/New Girl

The official beginning of adulthood has always been on a sliding scale. The process starts at 18, when you’re allowed to vote, die for your country and be tried as an adult, but I think most of us can agree that we still have a lot of growing up to do at that age. The next step is 21, and while in the “Mad Men” era that may have been the age when all men were expected to put childish things away, get married and be on their way to starting a career, that’s no longer the case. Hell, it’s arguable that being able to legally buy beer actually causes a step down in maturity for a lot of us.

I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. The uninterrupted path of school to marriage to family to career has led directly to the land of the mid-life crisis for previous generations. Nowadays, actual adulthood seems to begin around 30. We use our 20s to get all our partying and hookups out of our system — good for us.

The problem with this prolonged adolescence, however, is that some people forget that they eventually do have to take some responsibility for their lives and become a useful member of society. And since women tend to mature faster than men, it’s easy to understand the fairer sex’s frustrations about their dating options. By 30, family-oriented women are getting antsy about finding a guy to settle down with (tick-tock and all that), but a lot of the guys their age aren’t on the same page.

So this one’s for the ladies, but the dudes should pay attention, too. What follows is a list of ways you can tell a man isn’t ready for the real world. But just because he may exhibit some, or even all, of these symptoms, it doesn’t mean he’s incapable of growing up. It just means he’s not there yet. Try giving him a kick in the ass before you kick him to the curb.

1. He Plays Games

I’m not talking about video games. As long as it’s not interfering with his life, let the guy play. No, I’m talking about the kind of games when he’s fucking with your mind. Basically, he hasn’t learned the difference between dating and being in a grown-up relationship. Call him out on it. Maybe he’ll stop.

2. He Only Cares About Himself

He has no interest in your hopes and dreams unless they revolve around him; he only cares that his needs are being met. An actual adult would have already figured out he’s not the center of the goddamn universe.

3. He Lives Only In The Moment

He’s learned nothing from the past and has no plans for the future. This can be an endearing quality, but it will get frustrating if you’re trying to plan a life with someone incapable of commitment.

4. He Lives With His Parents

Yeah, no shit, right? Still, when we’re drawn to people, we tend to make excuses for their faults. But this is the reddest of red flags. How can you expect to have an adult relationship with someone who’s never left the nest?

5. He Expects You To Be His Mom

If he thinks being in a relationship means he never has to cook, do his laundry or clean up after himself (or needs you to at least remind him to do those things), you’re in pretty warped territory. Let him know you’re more than a maid he gets to bang.

6. He Fades Into The Background When He’s Out Of His Element

Even though he’s the life of the party when he’s around his buddies, he clams up at work functions or “adult” dinner parties. He either feels inferior or he’s uninterested in expanding his social circle. Either way, he’s got a lot of growing up to do.

7. He’s Selfish In Bed

He thinks sex is only about getting him off. Whether he’s skipping the foreplay or racing to the finish line, he hasn’t learned that relationship sex is about teamwork.

8. He Doesn’t Remember Any Plans He Doesn’t Make Himself

Guys don’t always like having to go to your sorority sister’s wedding or your family reunion, but if you’ve told him about it, he should have marked his calendar. If he acts surprised when the day arrives, this is a sign that he doesn’t respect you, which is a major symptom of immaturity.

9. He Can’t Hold Down A Job

I’m not saying he has to have his whole career planned out, but if he blows off work when he doesn’t feel like going, quits or gets fired because he’s too lazy or the job is too boring, this guy still doesn’t know life isn’t always about doing whatever he wants to do all the time.

10. He Doesn’t Stand Up For You

If he doesn’t have your back when you get into a confrontation (even if he doesn’t agree with you), he either doesn’t give a shit about you or he’s a coward. Either way, he’s not a man.

11. He Never Takes Blame

Nothing’s ever his fault, is it? A man doesn’t worry about who’s at fault — it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing productive about assigning or arguing about blame. If something’s wrong, just fix it.

12. He Tries To “Win” Arguments With You

It’s been said many times that arguing in relationships is a good thing — it proves you’re both invested. But arguments are about finding middle ground, not about coming out on top. And a grown-up man knows there’s no way to win an argument with a woman, anyway.

13. He Doesn’t Take Care Of You

And I don’t mean financially. You’re an independent, 21st-century woman — you don’t need a man to pay your bills. But if he’s not bringing you chicken soup when you’re sick or giving you rides when your car’s in the shop, this is not a guy you can depend on.

14. He’s Passive-Aggressive

Instead of being upfront and honest with you when you’ve pissed him off or hurt his feelings, he just shuts down or finds subtle ways to make your life difficult. Screw that guy. He’s a big baby.

15. He Worries Too Much About What Other People Think

A man doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him as long as he believes in what he’s doing. Confidence (not arrogance) comes with maturity.

16. He’s Rebellious For No Reason

No one wants to be a full-on conformist, but we are living in a society, here. If this guy intentionally does the opposite of what’s expected from him just for the sake of being contrarian, that’s a sign of insecurity, immaturity or douche-baggery.

17. He’s Not Assertive

Speaking of confidence, a grown-up man isn’t afraid to go after what he wants. If this guy can’t manage to get a drink at a crowded bar or he’s too timid to tell you he likes a finger up his ass during sex, he’s never going to amount to anything.

18. He Refuses To Compromise

This guy has an unrealistic and outdated idea of what it means to be a man. He thinks that unless everything is done on his terms, he’ll be perceived as weak-willed. Grown-ups know life is full of compromises.

19. He Can’t Fix Anything

Maybe it’s an old gender role, but men are expected to be reasonably handy. He needs to know how to change a tire, mount a towel rack or at the very least, put together an IKEA bookshelf without bursting into tears.

20. He Gets Wasted Too Often

I’m all for going out and getting blasted every once in a while, but after college, it shouldn’t be the whole point of every night out. Cleaning up his puke and dealing with his morning-after hangovers is going to get old fast.

21. He Gives Up Too Easily

The older you get, the harder things become to accomplish. If he throws in the towel every time he meets a little bit of resistance, he’s still too wet behind the ears.

22. He Goes MIA

In today’s world, there are very few reasons to be completely unreachable for any length of time. If he can’t send you a simple text just to let you know he’s not dead or in jail, odds are he’s fucking with your head.

23. He Refuses To Make A Decision

When you ask a guy where he wants to go for dinner and he says something like, “I don’t care,” or “Wherever you want,” it’s usually true. But the difference between a man and a boy is that the man knows you hate that kind of shit and makes a suggestion anyway.

24. He’s A Dick

If this guy is rude to waiters or won’t play nice with your friends, he’s either playing the bad boy or he really is one. And while women are sometimes attracted to bad boys, they’re almost never attracted to bad men.

25. He Can’t Handle Conflict

Running away from or avoiding problems is one of the most childish things a guy can do. A man deals with shit, even if it means getting punched in the face by some douche at the bar or getting screamed at by your girlfriend.

26. He Intentionally Makes You Jealous

This is another sign of insecurity, which isn’t the most masculine of qualities. For whatever reason, he wants you to believe he has other options besides you and he makes sure you know about them.

27. He Won’t Open Up To You

Some guys can be kind of emotionally closed off, and that shouldn’t be such a big deal. But if he flat-out refuses to open up to you about anything, it means he’s afraid of getting hurt, which makes him a pussy.

28. Sex Is His Solution To Any Problem

Make-up sex is awesome, but it only really counts if the issue is resolved beforehand. Otherwise it’s just a distraction that temporarily tables the problem and allows it to get worse.

29. He’s Not Interested In Self-Improvement

And I don’t mean self-help. I’m talking about learning new skills, becoming more invested in current affairs, reading more… that sort of thing. If he thought he was finished gaining any kind of knowledge when he graduated from school, he’s still got a lot to learn.

30. He Manipulates You

Knowing how to manipulate people into doing what you want is actually a pretty good skill to have. But using it in a relationship is pretty rotten.

31. He’s Not Willing To Get His Hands Dirty

Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and that isn’t always pretty. If this guy won’t break any eggs, you’re never going to get an omelet out of him.

32. He’s Not Reliable

This one’s just common sense. If you can’t count on him to be there when you need him, he’s no kind of man you want in your life. Apply the three strikes rule here.

33. The Thing He Likes Most About You Is Your Looks

Obviously, physical attraction is important, but if you’ve been together awhile and your hotness is still your number one draw, this is a relationship with little hope for success. A man needs to connect with his partner on numerous levels. A boy just wants to bang a hot chick.

34. He’s Constantly Testing You

This is another annoying thing that immature guys do. Instead of just telling you what he wants and expects out of a relationship, he contrives situations to try and find out for himself. But these tests are stacked in his favor and you can “fail” them without even knowing you were being tested in the first place.

35. He’s An Anchor

Some guys just latch onto you and drag you down. If you’re not living up to your potential and he’s the reason why, cut the rope and sail off on your own.

The post 35 Signs You’re Dating A Boy, Not A Man appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Fox/New Girl

Though this list may sound like it’s targeted toward young ladies seriously contemplating shacking up with a significantly older man (because it partially is), it’s also for those men who believe proposing to someone in her 20s as they approach 50 is a grand idea. You guys should consider what it will be like for a much younger lady to age by your side as you really age. If you’re convinced that a supremely hot sugar baby will make a devoted wife, please take note of these warnings for young women who like to date old.

1. When You’re 50, He’ll Be 70

That sounds dramatic; don’t forget how it actually looks…

2. Wrinkles

Try Googling images of 50-year-olds and 70-year-olds and see how many more of these lines the latter group has.

3. Your Parents

They will never trust him if he’s 10-plus years your senior, no matter what he does to gain their approval along the way.

4. “Settling Down”

If he encourages you to do this before you’re ready, you will forever resent him for what you missed out on.

5. Constant Stink Eye From Waiters

Every time you go to a restaurant, the staff will glare at you both — him for being shallow and you for being a gold digger. This may not be the case, but whether it is or not, taking on daily public scrutiny like this is no picnic.

6. Retirement

It will happen a whole lot earlier for him than it will for you, so you’ll get jealous of his increased free time while he’ll start demanding more of your attention to fill up his long, empty hours, even though you’re still an occupied professional.

7. Adult Diapers

You’re already going to have elderly parents to deal with as the years progress. Why would you want to have to deal with your husband’s incontinence right after you finish cleaning up after your parents’ senior messes?

8. Being 50 With A 5-Year-Old Is Rough

If you want to wait to have a kid until you’re in your early 30s, your older man is going to be about 50. Having to run around after a 5-year-old is hard work, especially if it’s been that much longer since your man ran around as a 5-year-old.

9. Imbalance Of Power

Age demands a certain level of respect. Older people warrant more of it, so while your man’s white hair will give him all kinds of credit with the people you two encounter, you’ll automatically be dismissed as slightly inferior, regardless of your personal attributes.

10. He’ll Always Have Done More

By the time you settle down together, he’ll have amassed a bunch more life experiences than you (he’s had like 20 extra years). Your life will end up being smaller in comparison since your shared years will make up far more of your total life experience than his.

11. His Sex Drive Will Diminish Before Yours

Women supposedly experience their sexual peak at age 35, while men allegedly go downhill after turning 18, allegedly. Why take your chances?

12. Your Nostalgia Won’t Line Up

Wouldn’t it be nice to get old with someone and, as your rocking chairs creak back and forth, reminisce about the shows and music of your youths? This can’t quite happen if his youth took place a couple of decades before yours.

13. Your Friends

He won’t be able to mesh easily with your crowd and will stick out like a graying, sore thumb at parties attended by fresh-faced 25-year-olds.

14. His Friends

Likewise for you at his friends’ gatherings.

15. His Friends’ Wives

These women will specifically go out of their way to make you feel unwelcome in their crowd. You become an automatic threat to them by being naturally prettier and having the all-powerful asset of youth.

16. Partying

While you’re still in the phase where getting too drunk at bars and partying all night at clubs is acceptable/actually lots of fun, he gets tired by midnight.

17. People Will Mistake You For His Daughter

What could be more uncomfortable than having people mistake your husband for your father?

18. Lonely Golden Years

As depressing as this is to consider, statistics point to women living longer than their male counterparts. You significantly increase your chances of spending your last decade or so alone if you marry someone significantly older than you.

Perhaps, even after considering all of these reasons, you young women and old men who deeply care for one another remain unconvinced that your union is nothing short of perfection. Here are a few reasons why your happily ever after does lie within reach despite the difficulties you face:

1. Men Age Better Than Women

People see the whole leathery skin look as becoming on men yet repulsive on women. Though this isn’t fair, it works in favor of couples where the man’s got about 20 years on his female partner.

2. He’ll Have His Shit Together

You will be a lot less likely to worry about money and stability since your man has had years more than you to figure this stuff out. Two people attempting to make their way in the world and struggling financially in a relationship is one person too many.

3. Viagra

So maybe he won’t get able to get it up as easily as his skin continues to wrinkle. Who cares? That’s what Viagra was made for, and it’s been known to work pretty darn well.

4. True Love

“True love conquers all.” Whoever said that might just be right.

The post 18 Reasons Why Dating An Older Man Won’t Work Out In The Long Run (And 4 Reasons To Give You Hope That It Will) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.